Scott Unplugged!

It's been a while since I seriously poisoned a member of the household. If my memory serves me, it was fourteen years ago, days before "The Weird Wedding Weekend" (two of our friends were married in Toronto's Water Filtration Plant, ala Michael Ondaatje's In the Skin of a Lion); my regular dining partner was wacked out for a week and has avoided cold bean salad ever since. For the record it wasn’t the Bean Salad, it was the mayonnaise.

And so it was this past Friday at 5 am when the household was in chaos as a I exhibited all the projectile traits of a new born.

Now, initially there was some skepticism. I had been out the night before with a couple of friends, arriving home around 2 am! So it wasn’t a stretch to think that other factors might be in play. But as I just said, I was exhibiting all “the projectile traits” - and that seemed to be the deciding factor in my defence.

Let’s move on!

There are some positives here: I think I have a very clean system at this point - if nothing else, I have not had a touch of alcohol in 36 hours (and for those keeping track I had a cold earlier this month which also kept me off beer for 48 hours - so that’s 84 hours this year, give or take); I’ve got another excuse for dizziness beyond aging eyes, and I’m sure I’ve also lost some weight - and since the ailment is continuing, I might be down to college weight in a few days (like I can afford that!!); on the negatives, it’s not doing much for my disposition, which some might argue had little margin to begin with.

So what’s the net.

The other night I made a Caesar Salad, using a raw egg of course. At the time, I had only one egg in my fridge and at the back of my mind I wondered how long it had been there. . . apparently too long. But a raw egg is crucial in a Caesar Salad - as it is in Steak Tartare, of which I am also a fan. And so I cracked the egg and took my chances - and lost. Ok, I didn’t totally lose: I really enjoyed dinner, I survived the following day (but then I was at work, and the Y’alls were off, so life was easier), and twenty-fours after eating the salad I had a great dinner out at a relatively new Ottawa restaurant with a couple of friends, and then some late night entertainment after that. And then along came 5 am!

And for this I am paying. I think “raw” is something you have to take a chance on - not a stupid chance; if you think an egg has been sitting in the fridge for too long, throw it out, cross the street to the corner store and get another one. In my experience eggs are pretty forgiving - I’ve eaten a lot of raw eggs in my life and have succumbed only twice. I also eat raw milk cheese, raw beef and raw fish. It’s the price of enjoying the art of cooking, enjoying food and eating well.

And as my stomach (and other parts of the GI Track) gradually return to normal - ever so gradually unfortunately, my ultimate thanks is that I was the one afflicted here. Poisoning the spouse once can be notched up as an error and forgiven. . . . but twice is suspect.